Upon walking into my kitchen, I have a big sign on the cabinet which asks:
What would it really take?
I have been reading a book that has been changing my life. I, for some reason, can only handle it a chapter at a time but if I let it, I know it will change me forever. The question is, what would it really take for me to allow it to really change me. The book is called "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. The premise of the book is that we were designed to crave, but our cravings have been mismanaged to crave food more than we crave God.
That is my problem, even though it goes against everything that I want to do. I want to crave God more than anything else, but how do you really do that? I have been asking myself that over and over again, and I am tired of food winning. One of the verses Lysa quotes is 1Corinthians 10:23, which says "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial." Ain't that the truth! And not just in regards to food choices... more like life choices!
My sophomore year of College, I asked my parents to put me on the diet that Oprah did - a liquid fast for 6 months. I did not eat one morsel of food that whole time, and I lost 100 lbs. I looked like a completely different person. When I was at my thinnest, I was with my wonderful friend Vince and he said something to me that has never left me. He said, "Laurelle, I think you should use this weight loss as a platform to help other people who struggle with this." I wanted to right then and there, but I didn't.
Slowly, the pounds come all back on and all that I could think was... "I still want to be able to use my weight loss to help others", but felt completely handicapped with it because I couldn't even help myself and keep the weight off.
So here I am on this journey now... 44 lbs lighter than I was above. About 6 weeks ago at my weight watchers meeting, I was celebrating my first big target loss and I knew I was going to speak. I began talking to the group about how this is the struggle of my life and I told all the ladies about the book and the realizations I have been coming to. When I finished speaking, I was trembling, and was overcome with the fact that for the first time, I was strong enough to use my weight loss as a platform to help inspire others and remind myself of why I am doing this. I also couldn't help but think "Thank you Lord for using me in an area that I have not conquered yet, but am still working on." May God be strong in my weakness.
Today I am really weak. I don't have much to offer other than the fact that I was "Made for more than the vicious cycle of being ruled by things", especially food. Lord, be my strength today.
Laurelle, Thanks for sharing this! It's so hard to be so open and vulnerable. I think you're very brave. I love hearing your story. I have no doubt you've touched/will touch many lives! -Ashley B.
ReplyDeleteLaurelle,
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you are sharing this and that you are on a mission to help others. I am so impressed by your accomplishment, and I believe you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. I just noticed that you said you "were" strong in that meeting--no doubt that is true, but Laurelle, don't forget, you ARE strong today. As someone who has always struggled with weight, I think we often label ourselves a certain way and then our actions follow those labels. (I am totally guilty of this.) Anyway, I just noticed that inflection and wanted to point out that you ARE amazing, strong and capable of ANYTHING. You are an inspiration, and I applaud you! XO SARA A
You are such a beautiful person now, then, and forever. I am so glad that you continue to lead an inspired life and, in turn, to inspire others. You go, girl.
ReplyDeleteLove, Pecan
laurelle,
ReplyDeletethank you for your honesty. i am catching up, reading through some posts on this weight loss journey you are on. it is such a struggle and it does rule us if we let it. i eat when i'm anxious, when nothing calms my heart i grab for food. i'm learning that food is not the answer to my anxiety and neither it or food is king over me.
i am down 20 and hoping to drop another 20 to whatever is healthiest and best for me. you are an inspiration. this IS hard work and it is a daily decision. the best part is that if i feel i messed up today it doesn't mean i am a failure. tomorrow is a new day!
xoxo
kellie
Laurelle,
ReplyDeleteYou probably dont remember me...I am Stephanie Crosby's ( Sullivan) old roomate from college...Point Loma...and I TOTALLY remember you! I just found you from her facebook and then clicked on your blog from your facebook ( random i know ) I remember knowing you at the time you did that liquid diet...and you lost all that weight..and then you were slowly eating little bits after the 6 months were up. Anyhow, I read most of your blog and I applaud you for what you have gone through, and now this internal craving for God you are having. I really really need to do the same thing. For the past couple of months I have been eating nonstop...totally eat when stressed and I have a lot of stressors right now...I needed to read the things you wrote...I am so glad I found you! My name is Sarah and I am tall ( not sure what hair color at the time--blonde or dark ). I am going to follow your blog and your journey...just know that there are others you are impacting by your journey!!!! girlforgod27@aol.com....on facebook I am Sarah Troy Sherman ( hubs and I share an account )