If I'm really going to be honest, or not!

I have to tell you that I have not been completely honest. When people have been asking me how I'm doing with my eating and all, and I say "I'm doing fine", that has not been truthful. Honestly, I have been so unsettled about my food choices over the past month. Thankfully, I have not gained weight, but in more cases than not, I have gone to sleep at the end of the day completely unsatisfied, sometimes still hungry, sometimes so incredibly stuffed... fill in the blanks. I need to thank those of you who have messaged me and encouraged me to get back on here and continue the journey. My "lack of communicating" has been because I have been distracted.

There always seems to be a reason why I put off dealing with this. Whether it be being distracted by work, by people, by myself.... here I am again, venturing on this journey. I lay it out for my own benefit and for others to walk with me in what they are dealing with. Let's just all walk together and be stronger for it.

I was so excited when I woke up this morning. Everyone knows that I love watching "The View" and today (even though it was a re-run) Miss South Carolina, Bree Bryce, was on. She lost 112 lbs without having any procedures done and I thought... I LOVE IT! I wanted to be Miss America when I was a little girl. (That's me in the picture when I was 9 years old. It hung on my wall until I was MUCH older) We used to tape it every year and I would watch those videos over and over until I knew it forward and backwards. Truth be told, I could never be her because I wasn't an America, but now that I am... ;) Ha. I remember watching as a little girl and thinking, well I'll never look like her, so I'll just sit here and watch her. That seems so sad to me, but I lived behind that mentality. I sometimes still do live behind that mentality. Dang it, if I want to be Miss America... well, I guess I'm a little old for that now, but don't they have a Mrs America pageant? I guess I just have to get my degree in the MRS department first.

I thought about it all morning and then went out to the pool this afternoon and was reading my book for this whole journey, "Made to Crave" and yet again, Lysa hits it right on the head with the chapter I read. Chapter 9 "But Exercise Makes Me Want to Cry". Here are the quotes that stuck out to me:

• It's amazing how love can motivate us
• Halfhearted efforts only produce mediocre results
• I stood in front of the mirror trying to determine whether or not I should just resign myself to being out of shape.
• In the quiet of my heart, I wasn't settled
• But it was God's strength replacing my excuses step by step by step
• When it comes to my body, I can't live with divided loyalties. I can either be loyal to honoring the Lord with my body or loyal to my cravings, desires, and many excuses for not exercising
• In the spiritual sense, when I'm not taking care of my body, I feel much more weighed down by my stress and problems. I have less energy to serve God and more thorny emotions to wade through when processing life.
• I've learned to embrace the benefits instead of resisting the hardships
• It's amazing how love motivates us - especially when it's God's unreserved love matched with our undivided hearts

Talk about nuggets of truth! Lysa Terkeurst is right on. The more I read this book, the more I am so thankful to have found it. In this chapter, Haggai 1:7-9 is brought up. It reads:

"This is what the Lord Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways.

Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house,

so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored," says the Lord.

"You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little.

What you brought home, I blew away. Why?"

declares the Lord Almighty.

"Because of my house, which remains in ruin,

while each of you is busy with his own house."

Honestly, I have been focusing on other things. Thankfully, my efforts have not been returned completely void. God is so good and is showing Himself so incredibly strong. Thank you, LORD! I will not offer up second best. This journey is my offering. I want to offer only the best to You! I know that's what you want for my life. This journey is between me and God. I pray for a renewal in my commitment to stay dedicated to offering my life up. May anyone who is reading this find comfort in the shelter of the Most High. He wants to help you along your path too. To all of us, "He stands at the door and knocks"... I choose to answer and keep walking forward.