What's your breaking point?

This blog thing has been so interesting for me to do and to get feedback on. I know I have not been consistent with my posts, but I am finding out that it is resonating with a lot of people. I never know what to write, but I know that today's topic is something to write about because it has been something many people have messaging and asking me about.

"What was your breaking point?"

Story of my life... that was my breaking point. Let's start by counting all the diets I have done.

1. Optifast

2. Slimfast

3. LA Weightloss

4. Not eating

5. Diet pills

6. Master cleanse

7. Atkin's diet

8. The Master's Diet

9. Weight Watchers (this is my third time on it, but the first time I haven't quit in the first 2 months... been on this since November 2010)

10. Name it... I think I've tried it at least once.

So, what was the breaking point this time? Honestly, because I thought it would make a boy love me. Did it work... nope, we don't talk anymore. Then I started going to counseling to get to the bottom of what my problem was.... I didn't really love me, let alone someone else loving me!

I will share a story of when I really hit rock bottom. I will never forget it... it's probably the lowest point I have ever been at with my weight and I will never forget the feeling of utter hopelessness and despair. I was sitting on my cot at the YMCA in NYC, doing a round of auditions. I bunch of things were going on in life and I felt like I had no control over what I was facing and had no idea how to deal with it. I went to my favorite cupcake place in NYC earlier that afternoon and brought back my "therapy" for the night. I sat there and ate 12 cupcakes, on the bed, by myself. I took the picture of the cupcakes when I was 1/2 way done eating them and sat there and cried. I was trying to numb the pain. How many times have you done that with something? I didn't want to, nor did I know how to deal with life. So, I ate something I liked until I was sick. That was December 2007. I yo-yo dieted on and off after that, but I was never committed to dealing with the root of the problem.

Fast forward to November 2010... I went to the Renaissance Festival for the first time with one my of girl friends, and I just felt so uncomfortable in my body. I tried to pose for the pictures and walk around to have a good time, but all I could think of was how uncomfortable I was. I didn't know what to do, but I just decided to go back and join Weight Watchers. Slowly but surely, the program works. If it doesn't work for you, it's because you're not being honest with yourself. That's it. End of scene. I can say that, because it's the story of my life. A wise man said to me "When you know better, you do better" I did start it in November because I was tired of feeling unloved, and I wanted someone else to love me. This process is teaching me to love myself. That's why I am doing it. I finally realize that I am worth the struggle, and let me say that this is a struggle. However, each day it becomes less of a struggle and more of my lifestyle. Everyone can tell you "You're beautiful no matter what size you are" or "You can do it!" but it's only when you believe it for yourself and can say it to yourself, that change is attainable.

So I share this with you tonight because I want better for my life. I want better for you too! We can all do better and be better and help each other! I don't want to get to the place where I break again. With God's strength, I don't have to, and neither do you! Start today! I start new every day.