I'm overwhelmed by all the messages, texts, calls and words that have been sent my way. Some get what I'm going through, others don't. Regardless, I am learning that this is the FIGHT of my life.
I tell you, I sat on the couch last night and could not stop crying because all the doctors that I had tried to give me a note, fell through. I was angry, felt defeated, hopeless, questioning everything...! I called my dad WAY too late at night and just cried, and then like only a dad can do, he just started talking words of encouragement and motivation for me. My dad and mom have seen me struggle with this for my whole life, and we are all working on this issue in our lives. I was so thankful for my dad saying the things he did, but he said something that really put my mind in a hopeful place. It was as simple as "Laurelle, the studies aren't there for anything. There has to be a reason why they all think you should lose this last 10 lbs. There are thousands of successful stories and you're going to be one of them. This last 10 lbs is going to be the icing on the cake and the TRUE success for you." Nothing earth shattering, but open, honest and supportive. I know my parents love me and support me through the fat, skinny and everything in between, but especially from my dad, it was sweet.
You can't imagine how absolutely drop dead beautiful I was this morning, from all the tears last night, but I had a revelation about it all. It's not about being able to lose this 10 lbs. I know I can. I've done it before (though not in a healthy way), but I know I can. I have just been paralyzed by fear. I kept saying to dad last night, "I know I can maintain here, and I'm scared to get to a point that I won't be able to maintain because I DO NOT WANT TO GAIN THIS ALL BACK AGAIN!" It's a good kind of fear in one sense because the moment you forget where you were, is the moment you take the credit and "it will lead you back into your bondage" (Beth Moore). I am so afraid of gaining it back. I honestly haven't struggled getting this weight off. Sure it's been hard, but I have been committed to doing it and I've done it. I can say that God has taught me so much about myself, about issues I've had to deal with and so forth, but I've done the work. This last 10 lbs I cannot do on my own strength, and I know now, that I am on this journey of this last 10 lbs as a reminder that ONLY GOD can rescue me from my strongholds and bring me into a place of abundance and fulfillment.
It's always amazing to me truths that are spoken into our lives, at exactly the right moment, hearing exactly what you need to hear. Tonight, I got an earful! I was able to go to Bible study at church to hear Beth Moore speak on Deuteronomy - the Law of Love. Tonight was session 3 and it was for me!!! There are SOO many things I learned and was shown, that I couldn't write fast enough to get it all down, but here's the big nugget for me.
I need to fight the good fight!
I have to make it happen! God has given me all the tools to fight through this struggle, so that I can live in this life and be of use for His purpose for my life and display His glory.
DO THE WORK!
It doesn't mean it's going to be easy.
Scriptures to encourage:
"I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me!"
"He came to give us abundant life in CHRIST"
"He will work everything for the good!"
"Apart from Christ, I can do nothing"
I am on this earth to make an impact and give God the glory in my life. This last 10 lbs will be a struggle, but I am doing it with a whole new outlook and strength!
Deuteronomy 6:23
"But he brought us out from there (my bondage)
to bring us IN and give us the land that he promised on oath to our forefathers."
In all of the encouragement, one of my friends messaged me and said that every time she see's a weight watchers commercial or anything to do with WW (and oh my word, there are a lot of them), she would pray for me. So I ask you to do the same! It's not on my own strength I can do this, but I know now that I can!!!
that's great. i really don't have anything else. not a trite great, but in the real sense of the word GREAT is what this is. keep it up, Laurelle. and by keep it up, I don't mean loosing weight, but focusing on God's words and hope for you. the rest will come. matthew 6:33
ReplyDeleteLaurelle,
ReplyDeleteYou get it! It's all about bringing glory to God! Thank you for encouraging me. I'm in a fight, too. Only I have about 25 lbs. to lose! I've been battling the bulge for many years. I'm so proud of you for all your hard work. I know you don't think it's been hard up to now, but I'm thinking the Lord has given you grace, and so, it has only felt easy! Just keep your eyes on Jesus, Laurelle--the Author and Perfector of your faith!
Hope to see you someday soon. Sure hope someday I can take voice lessons with you--I've heard great things about you! Have a blessed day.
Eva