So here I am, almost 1½ years into this lifestyle change and I can’t do it anymore. I had the hardest time this past week. When I set out on this journey, I set a goal weight, which I never actually thought I would get to, but I accomplished this goal before Christmas and am so happy. Then I came to learn that in order to become a lifetime member for Weight Watchers, I was required to lose another 15 lbs. I have managed to do 5lbs, but this last 10 lbs, I don’t want to (right now at least) and I am really frustrated about it.
So this week at my weekly meeting, I took my leader aside and broke down in tears. She was so wonderful and said that because I am almost there and because I am so healthy now, all I needed to do was get a letter from my doctor saying that I am at a healthy weight. I felt a wave of relief like I’ve never felt when she said that.
Then I got home and got to thinking about it, talked to my mom and my best friend about it and they were both in support of be getting the doctors note, but I feel like an utter failure because of this. I’m not sure what I can do. Even though I have accomplished more than I set out to do, I feel like it’s not good enough. I feel like I am giving up if I don’t do this last 10 lbs. I feel like 73.2 lbs isn’t worth anything if I can’t get to someone else’s goal. No matter what, it’s always “you have to be thinner” or “it’s only 10 more”. REALLY?!
I have been wearing this bracelet for the past 6+ months. It’s the Dr Oz bracelet, which is a reminder that simply losing 10% of your body weight makes all the difference. I not only have done 10%, but I’ve lost 50% of my original size. I keep wearing this thing to remind me that it’s just 10 lbs, but I feel defeated. I haven’t come all this way to quit. I haven’t come all this way to not become a lifetime member, because I rely on that accountability to be successful and I’m honestly tired of paying for it. But I also haven’t come this far to feel like I’m failing, just because I don’t get to weight that they tell me is healthy.
Now I wrestle with this and … don’t know what to think. Is enough, enough? Or will it ever be?
Ugh, this is my second attempt to write on your post. Note to self never comment from a smart phone. I had a nice long comment too!
ReplyDeleteI think that you are awesome and God has given you strength to reach your goal and an amazing goal at that. When I lost 50 pounds 7 years ago I had 10 pounds left (in my opinion)to lose. I was plateauing and I was obsessing about it all the time. I then allowed unhealthy thoughts and situations in my life and then I started gaining the weight back on. Your body is telling you you are at your goal. Get the note from your doctor so that you can be that lifetime member so you can start helping others and inspire others, because you already have been one! Don't let Satan grab a foothold of your accomplishments.
I am super proud of you!!!! Forget the numbers. You are more healthy and feel better right? Don't let it get you down. You are a rock star!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Noelle. Don' t let their arbitrary numbers ruin all the amazing work you have done. Your body is telling you you are at goal. And you are beautiful and healthy and deserve to enjoy all you have achieved. Love you and support you, Laurelle!!!
ReplyDeleteAh...the last 10 lbs. I've been going up and down around that final 10-15 lbs for almost 5 years. It comes off...then as soon as I'm not being hyper vigilant, there it is again. What do you call a plateau that lasts 5 years?? I think it's just how I am. But I don't want to give up either. I'm so right there with you! But you've already accomplished more than I ever did...so please don't let anyone tell you you haven't made it. Because I know for certain that you have.
ReplyDeletexo Carla
I think almost all women know what you're going through. Ten more pounds, how many times have I thought "I just need to lose ten more pounds"?? But here's the thing. If I ever STOP trying to lose that ten pounds, I start gaining weight again. And then the cycle starts over. I don't know if I will ever reach my "goal weight" that I have in my head, but I have come to realize that I can NEVER stop trying. I guess that doesn't really address your WW issue, but it really changed the way I looked at diet/exercise when I came to that realization.
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