The Chris Farley SNL skit "Lay off me I'm starving" always makes me laugh! Ain't it true though that sometimes you just get starving for something and no matter what that craving is, it brings you back to your breaking point?
It's so awesome how God moves in each of our lives. I find that God is moving stronger and clearer in my life, particularly when He takes everything away that I have used to define my life. Take this last week for instance. I have come to a new place to work for 5 weeks and on the first day, I found myself in a meeting with the head people crying because I was in so much physical pain. I was not able to start off on the right foot because of physical limitations. As soon as I start feeling better in that area, I was smacked in the face with Bronchitis. There's no fighting things that you can't help. But I tell you, in my literal weakness, I am craving something fierce. I have nothing to offer other than what God does in my life. If it means that I can't sing for this first week, may I stay completely humbled and hungering more time with Him.
My best friend, Hannah, and I are doing a new bible study together while I'm gone. Over the past year, I have had the honor of sitting and studying under Tammie Head, founder of Totally Captivated Ministries. She recently wrote the study called "Duty or Delight?" and it is perfect for these next few weeks for me to be doing. What was the topic today? Nothing other than having a hunger for God. I love how God keeps putting these wonderful things in my path to keep be on track. First it was "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst, and now it's "Duty or Delight?".
Some key things that hit me tonight were: "Beware of seeking satisfaction through denial alone." Ain't that the truth? When people ask me how I've lost weight, they always assume that I am denying myself everything. That's why I love Weight Watchers. I am learning how to be healthy and live within boundaries as opposed to a quick fix that won't sustain at all. In this study, it talks about the Israelites and their wandering for 40 years. They wanted a quick fix of having food and wanted to go back to slavery in order to have it. Tammie says it so well with "The process - I'd rather have fast freedom in stead of slow freedom." She also says "The people needed not only to observe His Mighty works, but also to learn to depend upon Him for the necessities of life. Ultimately they needed to understand that all would be accomplished by God's own power and not by their ability. Often we fail to recognize that waiting forces desperation. When we are desperate, we become willing to listen to whatever God says. God considers the lapse of time between slavery and freedom critical."
That is the key for me. I had a co-worker say to me the other day, "Laurelle, you'd better not gain all this weight back again!", to which I was ticked off, but at the same time, there's an underlying truth to it. The difference this time with the weight loss, is that I have never travelled this journey to this capacity before. I have learned more about life and love and God in the past 10 months of my life than I have learned anything before. This is the journey of my life from slavery to freedom. It's not about "cheating" on my diet, or "gaining all the weight back"... it's about keeping my priorities straight and constantly seeking to fill up on the Holy Spirit to keep me sustained and on this journey. It's not easy, but I see the promise land. I can only stay there by His grace. I claim freedom in His name alone. Not in the hard work that I have done, but in the grace He has given me to accomplish this journey, and I'm still starving for more!
