Lie #3 - I can't help others when I'm still struggling.

 Do you ever feel trapped by your own circumstances? I do! I especially with being open and vulnerable when talking to others about becoming healthy and finding my way through the valleys of this journey. Being totally open and honest, I didn't give it 100% in my fight this week because I let myself listen to voices telling me that I can't help others because it's something I haven't figured out. It's still something I struggle with. Daily. Can you help people with things you still struggle with? This was a big lie I digested this week and struggled through. The answer is YES. 

Yes, I can. No one has ever reached the know-all with anything. If you are going to relate to people and work through things with people who truly knows what it's like to be in the same battle, it will always be with people who aren't at the finish line. It won't always be the struggle that it is today, but it can and will get easier. It also means that I can help people as long as I am going to be honest about the journey and where I am. It's only when we hide and try to make it seem like we have it all together that it gets cloudy and hypocritical. 

So, tonight I will start going through "Made to Crave" with my first group of women. I pray that we can all grow from this, learn from it and get different perspectives that will help us Crave the Lord more than food. More than life. More than anything else. I'm excited. 

Lie #2 - I don't need to lose weight. I'm fine the way I am.

How I wish this was something I didn't have to deal with. I've prayed, cried, ignored, fought with this lie most of my life but I'm coming to terms with the truth of that lie now... I am fine the way I am. But I know I'm not living up to my full potential when I weigh as much as I do. Until I choose to embrace that and actually do something about it, I'll continue to live in a cycle of not feeling my best. 

Why do we choose to do anything other than our best? I mean, really! We live in a culture that tells you to accept everything and give yourself "grace" for everything. I have masked the word "grace" with "justified" as to why I have not done the work that needs to be done. When I think back to when I felt the best in my life, it was when I WORKED AT IT! And I worked hard at it. I also had the time to do that. I didn't have a husband and 4 kids, ages 4 and under. I don't know if I'm alone here, but I so badly want to feel my best and look my best, but I fail to put the actual work into it. I want to will it to happen. Call me crazy, but that's what I have to combat. I also have to combat that I don't have time to do the work. It will never look like what it did, but if I say to myself that I don't have time, it'll get justified again and not dealt with. 

I have made an observation in the past month of re-joining WW. I know this plan works because I have done it before. The reason I choose to do this program is because it allows me to have the most "normal" food choices and lifestyle that I can. I don't want my kids growing up hearing me ever say that word diet. It's a cursed and messed up word. I am on a plan that gives me flexibility and options- and no I'm not getting paid by them to say that. If you're not a WW fan, do what works for you. Any plan will work if you actually do it. It's the lifestyle mentality that works for me with what I chose. ANYWAYS - the observation is that the more I eat well, the less I feel that I need to eat more of anything. I know this isn't anything new, but when I eat food that I'm allowed to eat but isn't healthy, I almost immediately feel too full, bloated or weighed down. When I simply forgo foods that aren't natural, my body automatically feels lighter and free. Free from the weight of crappy food. It's another way of saying, "Anything is permissible but not everything is beneficial"... ya, that's for real! 

So the journey continues to lose weight. I am fine right where I am, but I want more than that for myself. I've forgotten what it feels like, so I'm on the hunt for it again. I do remember that it's an awesome feeling, but I have to remember that it's not going to happen magically. It will work when I make the changes I know I need to make. Those changes are different for everyone. I don't want to spend my whole lifetime making excuses. I've done that enough. 

2021 - Facing the lies I've believed about myself - Lie #1: I shouldn't share this with you...

 This is the year - 2021. I'm still wearing a mask, and it's not the one you think I'm talking about. It's the invisible one I've refused to take off.  I am going to take this whole year (January 1- December 31) to face the lies and the mask that I've believed, thought about, flirted with and laughed at. There are so many of them, I don't even know where to begin. It's a mask that needs to me taken off and thrown out!

I heard a great lesson yesterday at church about repentance. I have to confess that I am great at offering up generic prayer requests when it comes to dealing with the things that I really "want" to deal with for my health journey. It goes something like this: "Dear Lord, forgive me for failing yesterday at eating. Please give me the strength to do it better today." The realization that I've had, was that refusing to dig deeper as to why I was really failing at dealing with my health, was where the root of the problem was. 

And so today, I start digging. 

Lie #1 - I shouldn't share this journey of losing weight with anyone because they'll judge me, especially if I fail or fall of the wagon at any point. 

Here's the thing. You are going to judge no matter what I do or don't share. It's what we do, whether we want to admit it or not. I don't like that I do it either. Weight is one of the biggest things we immediately jump to conclusions with. And here's another truth - being over-weight has immediate indications that you probably deal with a lot of your life issues with food. At least that's what I have found. 

I hate the word over- weight probably because I have been deemed that most of my life. I was deemed that by my uncle who called me "Miss Teen FAT USA" when I used to dream of someday being in a pageant. I was also deemed over-weight when I really wanted to wear a "Jasmin" costume in musical theater camp when we were performing Aladdin that would show my stomach but instead I was put in a glorified potato sack. I get it. Doesn't make any of it right, but those are 2 memories I have when I was a little girl that still sit with me. Fast forward 20 years and I was still deemed over-weight when I got to lifetime membership with Weight Watchers and weighed 165 lbs and wore a size 6. I had to get a note from my doctor saying that I was indeed healthy and NOT over-weight. So according to all the numbers, statistics and culture lifestyles, I have been and will be over- weight for my entire life. 

I share that not to wallow or stew, but to say- I'm not subscribing to that anymore. I will never say someone is "Fat" or "over-weight" because of what those words are associated with. They're disgusting words to me that are mostly used to put people down. Words that I use to put myself down. I will say that I'm on the journey of and for my life to be comfortable IN my body. It is not a number that I dictate to myself or a number that anyone else tells me I need to be. 

So here we go - my story is important, and so is the journey. Someone needs to hear it, even if it's just me. Facing the demons and legions of lies surrounding me are going to bring me life. I claim that for this year. Will you claim it with me?