2021 - Facing the lies I've believed about myself - Lie #1: I shouldn't share this with you...

 This is the year - 2021. I'm still wearing a mask, and it's not the one you think I'm talking about. It's the invisible one I've refused to take off.  I am going to take this whole year (January 1- December 31) to face the lies and the mask that I've believed, thought about, flirted with and laughed at. There are so many of them, I don't even know where to begin. It's a mask that needs to me taken off and thrown out!

I heard a great lesson yesterday at church about repentance. I have to confess that I am great at offering up generic prayer requests when it comes to dealing with the things that I really "want" to deal with for my health journey. It goes something like this: "Dear Lord, forgive me for failing yesterday at eating. Please give me the strength to do it better today." The realization that I've had, was that refusing to dig deeper as to why I was really failing at dealing with my health, was where the root of the problem was. 

And so today, I start digging. 

Lie #1 - I shouldn't share this journey of losing weight with anyone because they'll judge me, especially if I fail or fall of the wagon at any point. 

Here's the thing. You are going to judge no matter what I do or don't share. It's what we do, whether we want to admit it or not. I don't like that I do it either. Weight is one of the biggest things we immediately jump to conclusions with. And here's another truth - being over-weight has immediate indications that you probably deal with a lot of your life issues with food. At least that's what I have found. 

I hate the word over- weight probably because I have been deemed that most of my life. I was deemed that by my uncle who called me "Miss Teen FAT USA" when I used to dream of someday being in a pageant. I was also deemed over-weight when I really wanted to wear a "Jasmin" costume in musical theater camp when we were performing Aladdin that would show my stomach but instead I was put in a glorified potato sack. I get it. Doesn't make any of it right, but those are 2 memories I have when I was a little girl that still sit with me. Fast forward 20 years and I was still deemed over-weight when I got to lifetime membership with Weight Watchers and weighed 165 lbs and wore a size 6. I had to get a note from my doctor saying that I was indeed healthy and NOT over-weight. So according to all the numbers, statistics and culture lifestyles, I have been and will be over- weight for my entire life. 

I share that not to wallow or stew, but to say- I'm not subscribing to that anymore. I will never say someone is "Fat" or "over-weight" because of what those words are associated with. They're disgusting words to me that are mostly used to put people down. Words that I use to put myself down. I will say that I'm on the journey of and for my life to be comfortable IN my body. It is not a number that I dictate to myself or a number that anyone else tells me I need to be. 

So here we go - my story is important, and so is the journey. Someone needs to hear it, even if it's just me. Facing the demons and legions of lies surrounding me are going to bring me life. I claim that for this year. Will you claim it with me?