Tonight I am sitting in my parents home in Pennsylvania, laying by the fire, spending an evening alone and quiet. I have wanted to get back on here for a while, but time flies when you're having the time of your life... And I can truly say, that's been me.
I just read my last blog and all I can do is tell you that I just cried reading it. God gave me the desires of my heart, just like He promises to do when we give it up to Him. Anyone who knows me knows the heartache and the struggles I've gone through. Many of you have walked me through those times. I wanted to tell you the gift that He gave me, since many of you don't know the details of the love story that normally is told in books... He gave that to me.
It wasn't without tears and tons of hard work that God put me on a mission trip to Africa this summer. There are a few people who can truly attest to the fact that up until the last moment (literally the night before) that I DID NOT want to go. There were silly but very real things that stole my joy and desire to go on the trip leading up to it, and I was not in the least bit looking forward to it. I got on the bus to the airport with the rest of the choir and orchestra and we embarked on a trip across the world. The funny fact that started it off was during our checking in at security, the security guard gave his number to one of my friends on the trip and asked her to give it to me. I turned to my friend and I said, "I'm gonna find me a husband in Africa!".... Little did I know, that would happen.
A few days into our trip, my joy had been restored and I was able to worship and offer my gifts in a way that humbled me and gave me a purpose. Oh how things so easily distract us from serving our purpose of offering our lives. One evening, a few of us decided it was a good idea to go look for monkeys... I invited Christian and his roommate to go along with us girls. We had never talked to each other more than "hey, what's up" ... And yet we have sung in the same church choir for 5 years. We knew of each other but it was not God's timing. To no avail, we returned to the dining hall without having seeing any monkeys, but it was the beginning of the best love story. The 5 of us sat down to dinner and I sat across from Christian and all I could think was "where have you been my whole life"? I will never forget that moment...
From that moment on, we both knew there was something special and God has been writing the story of Christian and I from that moment on. There are so many things that I could write about, but some things are better left unsaid, are special moments we have had, and maybe I'll share them when it's the right time, but for now, I will say that I never saw it coming.
Tonight, I was working on a craft (big surprise, I know) and I was listening to the Christian radio station that mom left on for me. Pastor James McDonald was talking ironically about when you feel like God has forgotten you, when you don't think He remembers the deepest desire of your heart. I could do nothing but sit there and simply say "thank YOU". I cried that out to the Lord for so many years. I didn't know what His plan was. I tried to make my own plans. They failed because I tried to do it alone. This summer, one month before I met the man I will be with for the rest of my life with, I said "I'm done with all of this, Lord" and I meant it. I was done with the heartache, I was done with the trying and failing. I just couldn't bear any of it anymore. I said my final goodbyes to those who I knew I had been holding onto for security (or there lack of) and I gave it up.
I never saw any of it coming because I had stopped looking. Now all of these things made sense that I'd heard for years... You'll find him when you're not looking... When you know, you know.... On and on. But it is true. The Lord heard my every prayer, He saw my every tear, He carried every heartache and He brought the man I had stopped believing existed, right to me. In the middle of Africa.
I am learning more and more about God's grace and His goodness. More than I thought I'd ever be capable of knowing. I love a man deeper than I ever thought or knew was possible. And I am so honored to be on this journey and new chapter of life with him.
You are not alone. You are have not been forgotten. He knows the deepest desire of your heart. His timing.
