First and foremost, this is not going to be a rant of bitterness and self-wallowing because that is what I hate reading and hearing most among single people. "No one will go on a date with me" .... blah blah blah. Tell it to your mom. No one will date you because all you do is wallow in the fact that no one will date you. That's why no one will date you.
Moving on.
So here is my reality as a single, successful, independent, pretty (am I allowed to say that about myself without having a big head, because I don't say it like that) 32 year old woman. Everyone says, "You'll find him when you're not looking." and that was true. I did find him, and he broke my heart. It happens. I've moved on and done everything in my power to not resent what happened. In my efforts to just not "kissed dating goodbye" (which that's a whole other topic), I joined match. I have had many friends who have had success in meeting their wonderful partners and I thought, well, why not. I don't meet people at my jobs, and I'd rather do that than go to a bar or club or something else that is not me.
The past 6 months:
Date no 1 - Guy INVADED my personal space without being invited... Phone call to sister sobbing my eyes out.
Date no 2 - Last text before our meeting to go out: Him: "Have you ever dated outside your race?" Me: "Yes. Why would that be a problem?" Him: "Take care, no desire to meet you anymore." Me: "So you're a racist?" Him: "No, I wouldn't say that." Me: "Happy Martin Luther King Day!" Him: "Ya, he seemed like a nice guy." Me: "WHAT? Take care, dude." ... Phone call to sister saying "WHAT THE?"
Date no 3: Valentine's day.... stood up.... Text to sister unable to form words because of true heartache. I looked beautiful too.
Date no 4: 32 minutes late. Nice guy, but not looking for the same things. No biggie. Nice guy and good conversation. 32 minutes late. Also, note to people who do online dating... please only use recent photos. Your picture from 5 years ago looks nothing like you now.
When I tell people these stories, they ask if I'm being honest. Yes! That is what is out there. That has been my experience. I go to a church where the singles group is HUGE and by huge I mean HUGE, but there is something SORELY lacking in what I've experienced there. I'm not interested in "hanging out" because you're too nervous to ask me out. I'm not joining a Sunday school class solely, so I can get asked out on a date. I'm not coming to your event because I know you're interested and you won't believe me when I say, I'm not interested. No hurt feelings. Just act normal!
There should be rules as to what non-single people ask or say to singles.
"Why are you not married?"
"You need to _______".
"You shouldn't ______."
"I'm praying that God brings you a mate THIS year" ... I have had many family members and friends create their own timeline for me. I truly appreciate that you care, but how can you create my timeline?
"You should only date divorced people. You need someone who messed up and learned their lesson."
... I get these comments more frequently than you have any idea.
... the list goes on. The prayers go on. The crying texts/ phone calls continue. That's called reality and life. And it's all ok.
But this is what I am learning BIG time. There are some pretty awesome single men and women who are out there, and that is NOT a bad thing. I am learning, that the more I date, or try to date, the more I am learning what I don't want. I am learning that God has planted a seed in my heart to be an awesome single woman... and that's ok. I thank you for your concern and prayer, support when I'm lonely and laughs when it is just not working out. I'm most thankful for no words when there are silent tears and hugs when my heart is breaking. That is all part of life.
I want to live on God's timeline for my life. I have been hearing Him speak more to me than ever before and my job is to listen, stand tall and do what I am being asked to do. That means to live as an example of what it means to be the strong, single lady so that my students can confide in me about their boy problems... because they know I understand. It means standing along side my single friends (men and women) and saying "Don't compromise on what you want and what is the BEST for you!" That means getting outside of my personal bubble of living only for me (which is really easy to do as a single person) and invest in the lives of every single person I come in contact with. I have the time to do it... Give your life away to bring others to life.
I write this with tears streaming down my face. Some of sadness. Some of unbelief. Some of laughter for the days that have been and the days yet to come. It's not always easy being single, but no one has it perfect. However, we all have a calling on our lives and for right now, mine is to be single lady. And I'm thankful. Only God knows the deepest desires of my heart and only He can make it happen.
