A second rate life.

Why does the world scream messages of confusion? Messages that tell me what I am doing with my life leaves something to be desired. What about the career? What about the Master's Degree you just paid off? What are you doing with your life now?

The world wants me to believe that I can do it all. Be a wife, be a mom, work a job, volunteer.... and the list continues. "Make something of yourself. Don't lose yourself." Yep, I get it. Now, there is absolute truth to some of that, especially the part of not losing one's self. Marriage and babies take work. A lot of work. And not the pretty work either. The biggest blessing God can ever give, but so much more too.

Truth is, I can't do it all. There really is a season for everything. Do I want to do it all? Yes. Do I look back on the things I've accomplished and dream of the day I'll have that again? Sure. But that's never going to happen. That season is gone. I heard someone say, "EVERYTHING is a season, except for Jesus." Think about that for a minute. If I let that actually sink in, that is a game changer. I don't have to think that my degree is wasted. I don't have to believe that being a stay at home mom is a second rate job and I'd really be happier going back to work. I mean, I love what I do (did) but when I look at my babies and feel the weight of the responsibility that has been given to me, that far out weights anything I've done up until now. And better yet, it's ok to miss those things. I loved it and was good at it. But what's next...

In asking these questions and weeding through all the emotions, choosing to believe that the best is ahead and not behind, I need to stop trying to make the path happen. Anything that has brought meaning to my life has been because God made it happen. Anything that has been successful, has been because I let it go and let God work through me. Man, I want more of that. I am starting to learn the meaning of losing myself, but gaining God's plan for my life. That's no easy lesson. But oh there's excitement in that. He's never failed me and He never will.

How could I ask for more - Christy Nockels, Be Held: Lullabies for the Beloved.

"There's nothing like the warmth of a summer afternoon
Waking to the sunlight, being cradled by the moon
Catching fireflies at night, building castles in the sand
Kissing mama's face goodnight and holding daddy's hand
Thank you, Lord, how could I ask for more?

Running barefoot through the grass, a little hide and go seek
Being so in love that you can hardly eat
Dancing in the dark when there's no one else around
Being bundled 'neath the covers, watching snow fall to the ground
Thank you, Lord, how could I ask for more?

So many things I thought would bring me happiness
Some dreams that are realities today
Such an irony the things that mean the most to me
Are the memories that I've made along the way

So if there's anything I've learned from this journey I am on
Simple truths will keep you going, simple love will keep you strong
'Cause there are questions without answers and flames that never die
And heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguiseSo thank you, Lord, oh thank you, Lord
And yeah, how could I ask for more?"